Simple-Minded: The Story of Naughty Teletubby

A Non-Fiction Novel of World Domination

This is a new story that me and The Monkey Man have worked on, based on one of his stories on another site. It revolves around Naughty Teletubby and the trouble and chaos he causes.

CHAPTER 1: Technical Issue

Once upon a Tubby Toast, there were two teletubbies living in a house. The first one was called Nice Teletubby, and was intelligent, popular, and just generally pwnage. However, his twin brother, Naughty Teletubby, was nooby, stupid, tried to make (fail) evil plans, and looked like you.
They were playing a game called ‘Super Mario Bros.’, which none of you have probably even heard of. Nice Teletubby was defeating the final boss on World 8-4 on his Nintendo Wii, whilst Naughty Teletubby was waiting for Mario to load on his super chunky NES prototype so he could find out how to jump. Yes, this story is all true.

NAUGHTY TELETUBBY: g00d tewetubbi
NICE TELETUBBY: What do you want?
NAUGHTY TELETUBBY: (with tears in his eyes) uh haow du u get mar1o 2 werld 1 2(starts crying)
NICE TELETUBBY: Well, first, you have to actually get Mario working.
NAUGHTY TELETUBBY: bt it woant loawd lolls!
NICE TELETUBBY: Then get it fixed, dude.

So Naughty Teletubby went to KFC, since he was too stupid to go to the computer repair shop.

KFC WORKER: May I take your order?
NAUGHTY TELETUBBY: cann u get mar1o 2 work on mah nez
KFC WORKER: Um, we sell chicken here.
NAUGHTY TELETUBBY: im doent cair i jst wanna get smb wrkin ;-;
KFC WORKER: I’m sorry, but I can do nothing to help. However, may I recommend the Bargain Bucket?
NAUGHTY TELETUBBY: DO NOT WANT STINKY BUKET. I WANTZ MARIO SOW I CANN TRAIN MAI REELEE EXPERIENCEDED CARTRIJ ON WORLD 1-1.
KFC WORKER: This is KFC, not the game console repai---
NAUGHTY TELETUBBY: halp meh or i wil steel al ur tubi toast
KFC WORKER: No. Not the tubby toast, they’re fun to throw at people. NOOO. FINE, I’LL FIX YOUR STINKY CONSOLE.

- presses random buttons -

KFC WORKER: It didn’t work before because it wasn’t even turned on. Try it now.
NAUGHTY TELETUBBY: ooo! itza workin tyvm u r awesum
KFC WORKER: Thanks, please don’t come back.

And so Naughty Teletubby got back to his home, and played the game whilst crying because he accidentally ate his last Tubby Toast. Nice Teletubby had defeated the boss, and meanwhile Naughty Teletubby kept mistaking Goombas for Power Ups and trying to jump on Spinies. They all lived happily ever after, except for NT, coz he smells.